


So Many Fish

by Gnosya108



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Introspection, Romance, Slight Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 23:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnosya108/pseuds/Gnosya108
Summary: After Chika pops in for a surprise visit, Dia thinks about the past few months and whether she wants a relationship with Chika.





	So Many Fish

Dia’s schedule for today:  
Buy food  
Cook food  
Call Ruby  
Decide if she wants to call Chika

It’s been a week since she and Chika last talked, so it might be a good idea to call her. On the other hand, that might get complicated relatively quickly. Chika hasn’t brought up the two of them having relationship again, but there’ve been a few times that she almost did, Dia could tell. 

Chika was holding her tongue, and Dia was thankful. She didn’t really want a relationship. Yet. A relationship with Chika sounded nice, but Dia didn’t want to do much of anything for a while. Relaxing felt nice.

She almost felt like thinking about her and Chika on a level beyond “could that happen?” Almost. She also had to think about this semester’s finals, her private singing lessons, and the odd, vaguely unreasonable scheduling she had at her job this week. She shouldn’t let them get by with taking advantage of her a little bit, because soon after they take advantage of her a lot.

She got off the train and stepped into the station. People flowed passed like fish in a sea, in a tangle of coral. Many fish who decorated themselves in many ways. This fish, for example, was wearing a shirt that said “Goodbye Baby.” This other fish was wearing a baseball cap.

Up the stairs to the city streets. Other fish. Fish in canals. Fish with blank stares, fish taking pictures, fish smiling and talking to their friends. Oddly, people were less terrifying when imagined as fish. Fish don’t speak. Fish don’t say mean words. Fish don’t expect anything of you.

That’s quitters talk, Dia thought. People aren’t fish. They’re… nevermind, they’re fish. It’s too hard to take in the very different people that made up the crowd going down the street.

Into the apartment building, into the lobby. “Fuck,” said Dia, with a frankness that surprised her.

“What?” Chika asked. 

“I, uh, forgot something. Can I give you my keys and you go up to my apartment and put the groceries in the fridge?” Dia was impressed she was able to improvise that all in the three seconds she realized that Chika must’ve come for a surprise visit.

“Oh okay!” Chika said. She was in a regular good mood, but maybe she intended to ask Dia about a relationship again? Dia had to prepare herself in case.  
Outside the fish were swimming in the streets. Fish in canals. In the coral. Not speaking. The noise around her is not the fish, it is the sea, the rushing of the waves. There are no words.

It was oddly comforting for Dia to pretend this.

Ten minutes later, she went into the lobby. Let’s try this again.

Up the elevator, into the room.

“Were you waiting long?” Dia asked. Chika was laying on the couch, watching the tiny discount television. She was eating rice crackers. 

“I got to the apartment an hour ago. I just okayed on my phone. Which reminds me! Do you have a charger?” Chika held up her phone to Dia.

“What sort of charging port does it have?”

“How do I describe it?” Dia went over and looked at the phone’s charging port. She had a charger that would work on it. She grabbed the phone and went to plug it in.

“Yeah, I have a charger that’ll work. My old phone was this kind.” 

“Thank you!”

“So what brought on this visit?” Dia hid her irritation by facing away from Chika as she plugged the phone in. Should she be irritated? Yes. Maybe not at Chika, that could be debated, but she wasn’t exactly expecting or wanting an unexpected visit.

“I just felt like stopping in. I’m in a pretty good mood because---!” Chika held up a series of tests in the 80s or 90s of scoring. “Riko and You tutored me. And I’ve had a lot of free time, so I just studied.”

“A lot of free time?”

“Riko’s been busy. The chorus club asked her to play piano. You’s been busy with swimming club. I get to see them a lot, but it also means I spend a lotta time with nothing to do. It’s part of why I came here.” Chika smiled weakly.

“You should spend more time with the first-years. Ruby would love it.”

“They’re second years now.” Chika sat up, closing the box of rice crackers.

“They’d like for you to join them.”

“I’m an extra with them. They have their own language.”

“And you don’t feel like an extra with me?”

“No.” Chika smiled. “They’re just so tight knit. It’s hard to get into what they’re saying, even if you kinda are.” Chika had a sentimental look on her face.

“That’s why you came to visit?” Dia was at the verge of being relieved.

“Yeah. I dunno. You and Riko were busy and I didn’t wanna ask the second years.” Chika put on a guilty expression. “I’m being selfish again, aren’t I?” She stood up and went to set the rice crackers back in the half of the apartment’s main room that was a kitchen.

“Want to go out for dinner?” suggested Dia. “Since you’re visiting.”

“I’m fine lounging around,” said Chika. “I just wanted company, I guess. I’m not hungry for anything.” She reached up to place the crackers on the shelf in the cupboard.

“I didn’t buy enough for two people, and I’d feel guilty if you didn’t eat.” Dia went to the door. “So come on.”

Same old Dia, Chika thought. The responsible senior looking after the younger kids.

__________LLSS

The noodle shop was oddly quiet. It made for an interesting atmosphere. Somber. Unnerving or peaceful, maybe. Dia and Chika ate in a corner lit by the far reach of a strong lamp. Chika kept slurping up the food, while Dia rechecked her mental checklist. Ruby’d get angry if Dia didn’t call, or at least text. But Dia didn’t want to explain Chika’s visit over text. Ruby was definitely going to ask why she didn’t call earlier. 

Ruby knew why Dia was so worried about Chika. Dia’s life was almost normal again. She could almost become reasonable again. The intensity of everything had faded tremendously over the past few weeks.

Dia could see herself in a relationship already. It wasn’t that hard. But it was too intense to think about it seriously. Starting and keeping up a relationship’d be hard. She couldn’t do that right now, she thought. 

Dia stared at Chika. She wouldn’t have to introduce herself to Chika or get to know Chika. She could even say that she loved Chika as a good friend, and Chika was so cute. The thought of them dating appealed to Dia. It wouldn’t always be peaceful, but it’d be reassuring. They’d be happy.

Chika finished her noodles and took a sip of tea. “You haven’t eaten,” she said.

Dia nodded. “I’m not hungry.”

“I’m not hungry, but I ate my food.” Chika slid the bowl to the edge of the table. “The food’s good. Don’t you like it?”

“I do.” The noodle were lukewarm, and Dia played with them. Chika ordered another bowl of noodles while Dia ignored hers to watch all the fish in the noodle shop. Fish playing cards, fish eating noodles, fish drinking tea, fish having conversations.

People. They were all people. They’d failed at some point, they’d succeeded at others. Was it really such a dichotomy though, or is that naive? Is it fail or succeed, or is it fine just to be doing okay, content in okayness?

So many fish.

Dia took a bite of her food.

So many people.

Dia swallowed, and choked on the noodles. She gulped them down with effort. She coughed when her throat was free.

So many thoughts.

She looked at Chika, who’d just gotten a new bowl of noodles, and was eating it quickly. She must’ve been very hungry. The normal high school girl from Uchiura to the leader of Aqours to a high school girl again. She was feeling something similar, right?

Dia wondered if they put alcohol in the noodles. She was getting too reflective to be normal and balanced. She chewed on them but the noodles tasted sober. So that wasn’t it. Maybe her reflection was something that followed from the past few years.

“I’d like if you called next time,” said Dia. “But I’m happy you came.”

The chef peeked out through the serving window and yelled for the waitress. Chika watched them. “Sorry,” she said.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m wondering if You is doing okay. She’s been pushing herself lately. I think she’s got a big head. Coliseum big. She thinks she can do anything, but we’re still normal girls, right?” 

“Right.”

“She’s gotten it in her head. I might have Kanan call her. She’d listen to Kanan.” Chika finished her second bowl of noodles.

“She won’t listen to you?”

“No one does anymore,” says Chika. “They don’t have the time. They’re all so busy, but there isn’t much of anything I want to do.”

“I feel the same way a lot of the time.”

“Should that make me feel better?” Chika asked this earnestly. She didn’t know the answer.

“I don’t know.” The waitress slapped a check down on the table. “Thank you,” Dia said to her, and opened her purse to look for yen.

“I want to feel better, but, I don’t. I’m bored. There’s nothing to do, I feel like. Riko, You. I get time with them, but, y’know. Things aren’t like they were.”

“We expected Change,” said Dia. “We must not have thought it would be so hard.” She swore through the pockets of her purse, quietly to let Chika know she was still listening.

“Yeah.”

“Do you have about a thousand yen? I’ll pay you back when we go back to my place?”

“Yeah, I do.” Chika handed Dia a thousand yen note. “Are you doing okay? Have you made any friends?”

“I’ve made friends. But I don’t hang out with them much. I’m too afraid to.” Dia motioned for the waitress, who put up a finger to say, wait a minute. “I think Kanan and Mari leaving traumatized me,” she joked.

“Really?” said Chika.

“No. I was so busy at the start of the year, remember? So I didn’t have time to talk. They must think I’m antisocial.” Dia rebounded into her classes for the past few months. Her classmates had been so talkative, but hadn’t been lately.

“Then they’re idiots,” said Chika. “They should see how wonderful you are.”

“No, I don’t talk much around them. I’m nervous.” The waitress picked up the bill and the money and counted as she brought it to the chef. He took it greedily and counted precisely.

“I’m allowed to believe what I want.” Dia laughed at that. She stood up and put on her jacket.

“Let’s go back to my place,” said Dia.

Outside, the people swam past, swimming to jobs or home or restaurants or stores. In the windows, trinkets and signs and advertisements and posters. There was a poster for Love Live. It was being held at Akiba dome again. Dia had to smile. It was part of her genetics, at this point, for her to smile at idols.

“The Aqours email address got a message a week ago. I was going to start a group chat but forgot,” Chika said. “I also told Riko to remind me tomorrow, in case I forgot. I guess I did.” Chika and Dia stared at the poster. “They invited us to be guests. Not to perform, to watch. You told Kanan and Mari right away so they could figure out plane tickets. They said they might be able to make it.”

“We aren’t normal, are we?”

“We’re normal,” Chika said. “Idols is the past for us. But we did do something amazing.”

“You’ve grown up,” Dia said. She didn’t agree with Chika, but she liked how Chika was thinking. It was very humble.

“Maybe. I’m still really a kid.”

“I could tell when I walked into my apartment and you were eating my rice crackers.” Chika worked herself into a huff as protest, but Dia walked down the street.

“It’s getting dark, and we should start the Aqours group chat tonight.”

“Okay, but snacks are for guests too.”

“It was in the cupboard. And anyways, only a kiiiid would say they have nothing to do, and yet not start a group chat for an email they got a week ago.” Chika steamed, knowing she didn’t have any argument against that.

__________LLSS

“I should go home,” said Chika. The clock read six and the next train towards Uchiura wouldn’t be for hours. The group chat had wound down as everyone figured out the details.

“You can stay if you’re okay sleeping on the couch,” said Dia. “The only futon I have is Ruby’s.” She flipped through the pages in a magazine. Her phone beeped, and she picked it up. Ruby’d texted her to ask why she hadn’t called.

“Couldn’t I borrow it?”

“Ruby’s futon is Ruby’s futon.”

“Alright,” said Chika. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Let me call my mother to let her know.” She stepped out of the apartment to make the call. Dia did the same, going into her room and sitting on the bed.

“Oneechan!” Ruby answered. “Why didn’t you call earlier?”

“Chika made a surprise visit,” said Dia. “It’s been tiring but she’s behaved. She’s been nice.”

“Oh no! I’ll tell her off when she gets back. Is she on a train to Uchiura now?” Ruby was angry. It was kind of cute. In person though, Ruby had the ability to scold someone into submission. She prob’ly got it from observing Dia.

“No, she’s staying the night I think.” Ruby’s disapproval could be heard over the phone.

“Oneechaaan.”

“What?”

“Will it really be okay?” asked Ruby. Dia took a breath. The past hour’d come and gone, and she hadn’t noticed if she was uncomfortable. Nothing made her feel uncomfortable, in any case. It was a spur of the moment decision, something that’d been said without thinking it over. Dia’d been afraid of that lately.

“It’ll be fine,” said Dia. “I won’t let her talk about relationships. We’re friends, for now, and I want it to stay like that until things are back to normal.”

“If you say so.”

“I’m doing fine. Good night Ruby.”

“Good night Oneechan.” Dia hung up the phone and smiled. The night would be okay. Things would be okay. For today, at least. Tomorrow didn’t make promises.  
She stepped into the living room to see Chika waiting.

“I forgot my cousin’s visiting,” said Chika. “I have to go home tonight.” She went to the door. “Thanks for offering your couch, though.” Dia caught up with her.

“Let me walk you to the station,” Dia said.

“I’m fine. I’m not a lost kid in Tokyo.”

“No you’re not.” They were out in the hallway. Dia locked the door behind them. “I’ll walk you to the station.”

__________LLSS

The station had so many people. Dia felt claustrophobic. There was a woman on her phone, screaming. Her dialect was strong, so Dia couldn’t understand her. She must’ve been talking to family.

Dia and Chika sat on the bench next to each other.

“I want to wait with you,” Dia insisted, and Chika didn’t respond again.

The train’d be coming in ten minutes. Dia didn’t know, immediately, why she was waiting with Chika. She’d had the urge to, so she’d taken a seat on the bench.  
A man listened to the music on his headphones, tapping his foot. He wore steel-toed boots that made a plink against the floor of the train station. Two feet to his left, a woman and her husband cooed to each other, both drunk. Dia could tell by their slurred words. 

A four note leitmotif played, prefacing the man over the speakers saying that the next train’d be a minute early. Dia was a little downcast at the thought of that, so she went over her schedule. Tomorrow her vocal lessons were cancelled, which was just as well, she didn’t know what she was doing. She’d quit the college chorus and couldn’t reaudition until next year. Other than that, she had no obligations.

Her weekend was free. There’d be nothing to do, so she’d sit in her apartment, watch television. She’d have to cook dinner at some point, or buy quick-ready meals from the convenience store. No one’d come to visit. Chika and Ruby were the only ones who would. Ruby called before she visited, so Dia doubted she had any plans to. It’d be nice to see Ruby.

Why not get on the train?

Why not follow Chika to Uchiura, see Ruby again, see the group again? You and Riko might be busy, but why not? Follow the flow of things. Maybe she was being too giddy. Maybe it was reckless. That didn’t persuade Dia it was wrong.

The drunken couple cooed and cooed. They were drunk on a Friday night, wearing clothes that looked old and worn, owned for a while or bought secondhand. The man habitually rotated his wrist, and he slumped over. He must work long hours. The woman was haggard too. Was she a waitress? She had the face for it. Waitress, a thankless job. They hadn’t done well in life.

But they were happy.

Happy little fish in a sea of alcohol.

Dia chuckled to herself.

“What is it?” asked Chika.

“I think,” said Dia, “I feel better than I have in months.”

The train arrived, its doors opened. Dia and Chika got up. Chika got to the threshold of the train and turned to Dia. “I guess this is---” Dia walked passed her, into the train.  
“Hurry up,” said Dia. “We might not get good seats if we aren’t quick.”

Chika and Dia sat next to each other, and Dia rested her head against the window. “What are you doing?” asked Chika. “Don’t you have things to do?”  
“I read ahead of class materials,” said Dia. “I figure you’d say I deserve a break.”

“But. But.” Chika stammered out collections of syllables that could be called words, but were really gibberish. “This isn’t Dia.”

“It’s not. I’m sure I’ll be scolding myself later. But I wanted to get on the train with you.” Dia gave a suave smile. She returned her gaze to the window. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve done a lot of things I should for months. I haven’t been able to do most of what I’ve wanted.”

“You want to be with--- go to Uchiura?” Chika fiddled with her hands, blushing brightly.

“I want to… not delay everything because things aren’t right yet. I’m not so great that I could handle anything. I can use the adrenaline I have to go to Uchiura tonight. That’s what I have.”

The train went into motion.

“Riko and You’ll be happy to see you,” said Chika. “Are you going home? Can I go with you to see Ruby’s face?! She’ll be crying, I bet.”

“Sure.”

Outside the window of the train, as it left Tokyo and went into the countryside, there was a sunset blocked by clouds and the contours of the land. Over the edges of those clouds and contours, orange lights emanated. The sun, heading into night.

It was alright.

Chika rested her head on Dia’s shoulder. “Wake me up near Numazu,” she mumbled. Sleep overtook her, weighing down her eyelids. She breathed peacefully while Dia let herself worry a little bit. Dia had a vague thought that she was going to do something she wasn’t so sure of.

Chika was a wonderful person. Chika wouldn’t expect too much of Dia. She was the sort of person who’d understand how much Dia had to do. She might understand that Dia couldn’t focus on her a lot of the time. Dia thought she might want to date Chika.

At the same time, the responsibility might overwhelm her again. Dia didn’t know how weak she was. The damage that another big failure’d inflict on her might be heavy.  
The thought became fantastical as the train neared Numazu.

Dia woke Chika up, shaking her shoulders. Chika stretched her arms. Her knuckles clanked on the wall of the train cabin, and her hand flinched. “Ow.” She rubbed her knuckles and resumed her stretching.

“Are we almost home?” Chika said.

“We have ten minutes.”

__________LLSS

“Oneechan!” said Ruby, wrapping her arms around Dia. Chika stood by, smiling. 

“I missed you,” said Dia. “I thought it would be nice to see home again.” She turned to Chika. “Want to have lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure!” Chika started walking home. “Text me the details, okay?” Dia and Ruby waved bye to her as she went. Ruby waited for her to be out of hearing to say anything.  
“Why’d you come home?”

“It was a spur of the moment thing,” Dia said, heading inside. She was dismissive, as thought it weren’t a big deal. But it was unusual for Dia to take an hours-long train ride on a whim. A worried Ruby closed the door, coming in after her.

“Did you bring any clothes? No you didn’t. You don’t have any bags on you.”

“I should have a few outfits left in my room.” Dia sat to take off her shoes.

“Oneechan?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I won’t be tomorrow, but I am tonight.” Dia stood and started walking. “Mom and dad are out of town, right? Maybe I’ll have Chika over.”

“Oneechan? What’s going on?”

“I think I have things figured out. It took a while.” Dia sat at the kotatsu and turned it on. “I’m being a little reckless because of it, I think.” Dia mulled what she was about to say.

“Okay…”

“Ruby?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think I should date Chika?” Ruby frowned nervously. She sat across from Dia, who twiddled her thumbs. 

“Weren’t you saying you weren’t going to think about it until after finals?”

“I… don’t know. I think I might talk with her about it tomorrow. I resisted talking on the train ride. I might change my mind. I can’t tell.” She laid her head on the table. “That’s why I’m asking what you think.”

“I think you’d be a cute couple,” said Ruby. “The only reason I worry is that you said it’d be too scary. I don’t understand that, but it seemed like you weren’t ready for a relationship?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to talk to her about it.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

__________LLSS

“Oneechan? Are you going to get up?” Ruby opened the bedroom door and peeked into Dia’s largely empty room. She’d taken most of everything to her apartment in Tokyo. “Do you want me to bring you breakfast in bed?”

“I’ll get up.” Dia sat up with bedhead. Things must be bad, Ruby thought. Dia never gets bedhead. “I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“What I really will say to Chika later. I might not mention a relationship. I might not bring it up. I’m scared again.” Dia ran her fingers through her hair and was horrified at how mess it was. She reached for the brush in a drawer, but the brush wasn’t there. She’d brought it to Tokyo. She groaned in defeat.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You’ve always been a kid, Ruby,” said Dia. “More than most people. I don’t expect your advice. I was speaking because I had to say something to someone, I guess.” Dia stood up. 

They went into the kitchen. Ruby’d made omelette rice. They had ketchup smiley faces on them. There was tea in a kettle on a table, over a pink rag to protect the wood tabletop from the kettle. It was familiar, calming.

“Thank you,” said Dia. She sat down to eat. “Thanks for the food.” She poured herself a cup of tea. “I think I’ll go see Riko and You later. Would Hanamaru and Yoshiko be able to visit? I haven’t seen them in a while, either.”

“Hanamaru has a job at the library, but I think she has today off. Yoshiko doesn’t have a real job, so she’ll be free.”

“Why did you specify ‘real job’?” 

“She does her livestreaming. She sells t-shirts.” Ruby neglected to mention Yoshiko gave her a shirt that said Little Demon, Servant of Satan. Dia probably wouldn’t be happy to hear that.

“Know if Riko or You will be free?”

“I think swim club practices on Saturday mornings, but I wouldn’t know.”

“Riko?”

“Unless she’s doing something with Chika.”

“I hope not,” said Dia.

“Why not?” Dia tried to hide herself from her own weakness by reducing her posture. She shrunk in her seat, bowed her head to hide her eyes. All of this was unconscious, but she was aware of it.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to Chika right away.”

“Why are you going to talk to Chika today then?”

“I want to.”

“Really?” Ruby was concerned. Her sister seemed to be intentionally stressing herself.

“Yeah. Things will be okay. They’ll just be hard. It was figured out. After a fashion.” Dia sipped her tea. It tasted bitter.

__________LLSS

They sat on the beach, Chika eating a popsicle. Dia hadn’t felt hungry, and said so, so Chika’d gotten a popsicle from her freezer and brought it with her to the beach. By now, it was melting, and liquid dribbled, making a mess. Chika said, “oh man,” or “dang it” at intervals, but didn’t do anything to prevent the mess.

Above, the sky in the middle of day, sun bright. In front of them, the water moving in waves, the sun reflecting off of it. Occasional people here and there, but there weren’t any people to interrupt them.

They’d been talking for a while, and had gotten to the point where they didn’t have anything to say to continue, so the choices were to sit in silence or change the subject. Neither had anything they wanted to say, so they sat in silence.

Dia decided this was a good time to talk about things.

“So, remember how you said you liked me?” Dia asked.

“Yeah,” said Chika.

“You know I’m busy at college, right?”

“I said I was sorry,” said Chika. She pouted, looking out of the corner of her eye to see if Dia was mad. Chika still felt a little guilty.

“I know.” A flock of birds went between them and the sun, casting shadows on the sand. The shadows came and went fast. “I wouldn’t have much time for dates.”

“I know.”

“I wouldn’t be happy sometimes, or easy to get along with.”

“I know.”

“I might get impatient. I have deadlines. I have work. I have responsibilities.”

“I know.”

“I might need to rely on you too much.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all, though.”

“I wouldn’t be able to call everyday. I would try my hardest, but I might be too busy to talk long.”

“I know.”

“Then,” said Dia, “would you be my girlfriend?”

A bird squawked.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’d love to.” Chika wrapped her arms around Dia. Dia embraced her, thinking of what she’d have to do tomorrow. She’d stay at home again tonight. Maybe she’d go somewhere with Chika. She had exams soon, so she wouldn’t be able to visit for the next few weeks. But, that was alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm happy, overall, with how this turned out.
> 
> I think love should make you feel relaxed (not that I've ever been in love, Lol).
> 
> By the end of this they're a couple that's gonna have to deal with things, but they'll be okay. They'll fall in twue wuv and get married. 
> 
> This is a sequel to my story "Post-Fame: Down and Out in Tokyo" (I don't like the title either) but hopefully you understood everything. I might have an idea for one more sequel at least. :p
> 
> I hope you liked it :)


End file.
